I thought long and hard about how to frame this post (wordplay aside); what “tone” to give it, what kind of message I wanted to convey, and which words to use as an opening.
There are many thoughts in my head and many emotions inside me; I tried to shed light on which ones I wanted to put down in black and white for you, but, as always, when I think too hard about something, when I try to "box it in" within certain boundaries, I cannot find my way out.
My creativity, my natural inspiration, the inner flow of my thoughts, my emotions, my very life — they switch off and vanish.
And so today, my usual cup of tea in hand, all at once letting everything else I was doing go, I opened this blank page and started writing.
In my mind it is clear what I want to say, cutting to the chase without too many roundabout tales and digressions.
I am working on a new project — or rather, on my project.
A big, difficult, exciting project that I cannot wait to set in motion.
A project that is on one hand "hard-won" but deeply desired; a project that obviously entails a journey, a great journey.
And it could hardly be otherwise, given my nature as a tireless traveller — which I have, in truth, never quite managed to tell you about.
Often these journeys, these projects, spring from great changes or events that happen during a person's life; and in my case, it is a little like that too.
It is a project I have put off for far too long, denying my own nature the chance to express itself for what it is.
I have the wandering spirit of someone who cannot stay too long in one place, with the ability — fortunately — to reinvent herself and adapt to new contexts, professional ones included. And I love that about myself. I have dreams, I have goals; after 34 years I have understood what I truly want to do when I grow up, and I am determined to make it happen even if it will take time and effort. And since the "reward" is freedom — I would say it is absolutely worth it.
But I will not tell you specifically now about what will happen in the coming months — partly out of superstition, yes, indulge me :), and partly because everything is still only just getting under way. But if you have patience, as soon as I have something concrete in my hands — within 2 or 3 months at most — I will tell you everything; and I cannot wait to do so :)
I am happy, I am beginning to feel well again, despite the difficulties, the pains, and even the tears I was shedding until not long ago.
But that is all right, because now everything is growth and becoming, and it will take me exactly where I want to go :)
The tea: Shincha 新茶, April 2014 harvest, Kagoshima — Japan